Telehealth Explorer Gifts

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Psychiatry. I got in touch with my inner child, and now I'm going broke buying video games!

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Apparently you're a bi-polar bear."

"You have to remember you're not responsible for other people's happiness."

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"There's only so much bat-mansplaining a girl can take."

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Tell me about the voices in your head, Al. On the one hand, they tell me to do horrible things. On the other hand, they sing the sweetest harmonies since the Mills Brothers.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'I suffer from depression too Ms Frost. Sometimes I'm not even motivated to get out of bed!'

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"No, not us. Do something every day that scares you."

"Feeling a bit under the weather again, Mr Robinson?"

"My lifestyle is empty and meaningless."

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"It's true. Your mother is a great oak, but she, too, used to be a little nut."