Virtual Health Explorer Gifts

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Nope, not what livestream means, Bob."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Go Play Outside - it's so real, you kids will almost smell the virtual fresh air!

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

'Why should I go outside...when I can build a animated snowman here.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I know it's small and expensive, but wait till you see all the Pokemon."

"I visited the beach on Google Earth. Next time I'll wear sunscreen."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

Tourist looks at his laptop rather than the scenery.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

A man's health care options.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"I'm trying to figure out a way to go trick-or-treating through Google Earth. That way I can do it globally to get more candy."

'I am playing outside, Mom -- look at the graphics.'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

"Our insurance provider has requested that we use this green screen for our field trip."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'