Online Health Resource Explorer Gifts

'I've already diagnosed myself on the web but I thought I'd come in for a second opinion.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

A man's health care options.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

Health costs soaring in the U.S., Americans are going to other countries for medical care.

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

Aromatherapy.

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

The Plot To Fatten America Into Submission

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'

"I appreciate your researching solutions on the Internet, but there is little evidence to show twig broth and changing will help your condition."

"While we don't believe in vaccination for our child, we're not entirely against keeping him safe and healthy."

'Who wants to live longer if you have to live without cookies.'