Teenage Gossip Aficionado Gifts

"So dude, tell me...what happened? Did you ask Estella out? Did she say 'yes'? Are you guys hooked up?"

'She's so put together!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A little bird told me...

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

The Mating Call of the Modern Youth

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Tom Hanks

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"I'd leave Redford for George Clooney in a hartbeat."

Hollywood Breakup

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

JET (Part I)

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

Larry King

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Pie chart of pub conversations

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10