Teen Sympathizer Pillows

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Welcome to your new English Class.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"The government doesn't understand me."

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

Marilyn Manson Fan.

'Oh, great... Big date tonight and I've got a zit on my nose.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"They have been in a terrible mood these days. You know how painful it is when they start developing legs."

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

Innocent Civilians

'Baggy jeans are ideal for walking through puddles, your majesty.'

'Stop Fred, don't taunt this one: He's a guide dog...'

"I don't understand how all the girls grew taller over the summer!"

'No, my cap has a backwards bill on it.'

They killed the monster!

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'Here kitty...here kitty...'