Teen Sympathizer Gifts

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Welcome to your new English Class.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"The government doesn't understand me."

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

Marilyn Manson Fan.

'Oh, great... Big date tonight and I've got a zit on my nose.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"They have been in a terrible mood these days. You know how painful it is when they start developing legs."

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

"Stop trying to change me!!"

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

I'm waiting to see the doctor. I got hit by a hockey ball. There are tons of kids with sports injuries ahead of me. Actually, it's not a drag at all. It's a great place to meet guys.

'Baggy jeans are ideal for walking through puddles, your majesty.'

"I don't understand how all the girls grew taller over the summer!"

'Stop Fred, don't taunt this one: He's a guide dog...'

Innocent Civilians

'No, my cap has a backwards bill on it.'

"Don't worry your daughter is fine. She's just crabby as hell, and I don't want it to spread."