Teen Fashion Critic Gifts

"It's up to you son. . . a haircut or a flea collar!"

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"That shirt is so last year."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Non-Uniform Day Today.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"You're wearing too much rouge."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"Nobody told me it was formal."

'Vlad, I know it's not your fault that you don't have a reflection but...'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Classical Fashion Changed Rapidly and Distincly the Very Moment That Jerky Teenagers Were Invented.

Evolution of Man.

Sportswear Shop.

"I told you it was an informal party!"

"It was a crime of fashion."