Teen Fashion Critic Gifts

"It's up to you son. . . a haircut or a flea collar!"

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"That shirt is so last year."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Non-Uniform Day Today.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"You're wearing too much rouge."

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I'm sick and tired of black."

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"Nobody told me it was formal."

'Vlad, I know it's not your fault that you don't have a reflection but...'

Classical Fashion Changed Rapidly and Distincly the Very Moment That Jerky Teenagers Were Invented.

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Time to put away your presents. I don't have room. You said you "needed" a new jacket. I do! My old one's too small. Donate it. I would. But I can't get it out of my closet.

"It was a crime of fashion."

"I told you it was an informal party!"