Tee-time Tactician Gifts

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'Gentlemen, today's meeting will be short, so I'll get right to the point.'

Golf lessons

Where golfers come from.

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"Yes, you can see the chairman this afternoon - have you ever done any caddying before?"

'Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee-shot.'

Golfers -"I couldn't have gone to work today anyway, my wife is sick."

'That's quite an offset on your driver. Is that a new design?' 'No, it's an old design from beating it into the ground after years of lousy drives.'

'Time to take my game to the next level.'

'I am being in the moment. Just not this particular moment.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

Carlo Ancelotti

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Snooker.

The 18-hole course is to the left and a 9-hole course is to the right --- Which do you want to play? I'll decide after my first tee shot?

Colin had finished the 'One Minute Manager' and was now practising the 3467 minute tea break.

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Ready to move when the other guy blinks.

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

'What a divot?'

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

Coo coo clocks make a cats job easier.

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'