Times Table Tactician Gifts

'What's 8x9?' - '72' - '...and what's 9x8?' - '27' - 'Not quite, Nigel... have another go.' - 'Oh, it burns... it burns.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

Golf lessons

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Colin had finished the 'One Minute Manager' and was now practising the 3467 minute tea break.

Snooker.

'This board meeting will come to order!'

Ready to move when the other guy blinks.

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''

Golf

"Try caressing the ball with your bat."

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

Coo coo clocks make a cats job easier.

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'

'I was there the day we were married. Talk about bad timing.'

'The workers talk about football, managers talk about tennis, and top brass talk about golf.' - 'So the bigger the job the smaller the balls.'