Tee-time Champ Gifts

The Amateur Golfer

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'The grudge match.'

Golf lessons

'He lived and died for golf.'

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Club House. An eighty dollar green fee! -- I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already in the hole!

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Can I play with your ball, Mister, if you're not using it?"

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'You're away, Doc!'

Golf

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

'What a divot?'

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'Would you like something from the trolley doctor ? '

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

"Mind if we play through?"

'You don't have to shout fore when you putt.'

King of the Swingers.

Golfer couple just married

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"My husband said he could fix anything so if you find him, tell him he was wrong!"

"I'm guessing this is the first time Jack's had a chance to make par?"

"Fore!"

"Yes, you can see the chairman this afternoon - have you ever done any caddying before?"

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

'Gentlemen, today's meeting will be short, so I'll get right to the point.'

'I am being in the moment. Just not this particular moment.'

'That's quite an offset on your driver. Is that a new design?' 'No, it's an old design from beating it into the ground after years of lousy drives.'