Technophobe Warriors Gifts

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

Grandma's caf

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Tarzan no want computer."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"Got some bad news for you, Larry."

Pensioners and Phones

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"I'll be walking by your door in a second if you want to try to get my attention."

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

'Your reign of terror is over evil dragon, for I have slain your internet service provider!'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"Technology moving too fast."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

'How could Plato write The Republic with a quill pen on parchment when I can't write a memo with a deluxe computer?'

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"