Technical Support Staff Gifts

"Ms Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel the call to tech-support."

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

Early tech support.

"Mmmh... Looks like you need to reformat your HD, reinstall all your software and replace your motherboard. I also suggest you upgrade your OS."

'Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?'

Tech support...can I help you!

Thank you for calling technical support.

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

'I suppose you tried to fix it yourself.'

'It's definitely a hardware problem.'

How to beat a computer

"I think the placement of your router may have something to do with your slow Wi-Fi speed."

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

"We can have someone there in a few minutes to help you with your computer. Can you have a mattress outside to soften his landing?"

"He said his screen is frozen again."

"I've installed a new internal hard drive. Damn machine's still not working!"

"Save! Save! "

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

'Try re-installing your system software and turn off any file extensions.'

'Hello?...Customer service?...Uhhh...How do you open the box?'

"Miss Jane! Call IT support, my laptop has become leaky! ...and please get me a fresh cup of coffee!"

Scrooge Tech:'Bah! Humbug!'

STRIP Hambone: Computer smoke signals message from Indian office

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'