Technical Support Specialist Gifts

"It's big, slow and proboably a fire hazard. But I was able to pay for it out of petty cash."

'I sent the wrong email by mistake - I'm trying to get it back!'

'OK, first of all, have you tried slamming the keyboard down, whacking the top of the monitor and shouting WORK! DAMN YOU! WORK!'

'Are you sure that hitting it with a baseball bat will work?'

"You have reached technical support...your call is important to us so please stay on the line..."

'Say what you like about Cloud Computing, but the technical support is amazing.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Don't get smart with me!"

Sign reads: Not out of order.

"...First it kept on showing me the error code, then it said I had no internet connection, then it tried to connect me to windows and then I remembered the axe I had in my bag..."

Scratching head

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Your call is important to us but so are our mocha lattes. Stay on the line. We will be with you shortly.'

'If you would not like to speak to a human, press one...'

'Wheel technical support line.'

"Problem?"

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

'I'm referring you to tech assistance to help figure out your insurance options.'

'Technical Support. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

Tech Support Values

"You have 2,974 tabs open. I suggest closing about 2,970 of them. That may speed up your computer."

'Read the manual. You can't keep yelling, 'Here boy', every time you need help.'

"My new antivirus software makes my computer self destruct if someone tries to hack into it. I mistakenly hit the wrong key when typing in my password."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Man being shown how to use computer by a woman.

"That didn't work either! I'm telling you, this is one AGGRESSIVE virus!"

Heck Support.

'I have been doing it, but it's still not working.'

"I must be getting on tech-support's nerves, because they now answer by saying, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT NOW?!"

'I don't think of myself as a caddie, I provide technical support for golfers.'

'And you get this free.'

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

'As usual, tech support is busy.'

"I understand you're a troubleshooter when it comes to websites."

"And, um, here you see our prospects for future growth."