Tech Support Staff Gifts

"That's Bill, from tech support."

Oughta reply

'More problems. This manual was written by another computer!'

"You may be a robot, but there's no need to speak to me as if I'm one."

'The computer itself is okay but the chips are down.'

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

'If you consider the time spent with tech support, our school's high-speed internet access isn't that much faster than dial-up.'

'Hi, your IT section sent me to test the network sockets.'

"Whay are you calling? We spent loads of money on technology so that we wouldn't have to talk to you."

"This makes a lot more money than the Tunnel of Love."

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

"I've got a really good feeling about this new I.T. guy we just hired!"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Gadget geek.

Computer Expert

"I do tech support for the cloud."

Geek fairies

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'