Tech Tester Gifts

'The new helium airbag was a mistake.'

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

Jack of all trades

The Computer Bore

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

The Not-So Smart Meter

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Because webmasters don't take out the trash, that's why"

Congratulations on your retirement!

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

High speed cinder block

STRIP Hambone: Early diesel run computer

Battery Lighthouse

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"And this is one of our most poular models..."

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."