Tech-savvy Titans Gifts

"You keep telling me to back up my computer. Well, I can't back it up anymore. It's all the way back to the wall."

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

"I learned how to shop online, mommy. If you see a series of tractor trailers arrive, it's just the rest of the stuff I ordered."

"'What I wanted to do, but could not, during my socially-distanced summer vacation this year'..."

Bill glanced up from his computer. It was dark outside. He smelled of BO. A little voice inside his head whispered, 'you should probably log off now.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

'Does it come on Disc?'

"...and this year's Special Achievement Award for the longest undetected game of computer Solitaire goes to..."

"I bet you kids are all losing your minds without a wi-fi signal."

It's important to know what to do when the communication technology doesn't work.

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'

'I steal from the rich databases and give to the poor databases.'

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'

Vampire Selfies

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'At last! A system with only 1 remote to deal with!'

"These IT guys are really intimidating I mean just look at the focus the concentration...I wonder what he's working on?"

"Hello, this is Bill Gates. Remember, nobody has a monopoly on safety, so buckle up!"

"I had to give up my secret identity—no more phone booths."

"Most people accept our party invitations. We robocall them into submission."

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

'Fighting evil, fighting evil, fighting evil...oh, wait, how about the 17th, say noonish?'

Telephone companies fighting on a 'Fiber optic' cable

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

'Our war plan is simple, we point the cursor at whichever of Saddam's palaces we wish to destroy.'

"He's tech savvy and likes his privacy. He some how figured out how to disable the pet cam."

'I don't think you've officially entered the computer age until you actually click send.'

"The fine print? Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Judging tech giants is a bit beyond my pay grade."

"And now to present you with the uploading of your bitmedals."