Tech-troubled Titans Gifts

Bill glanced up from his computer. It was dark outside. He smelled of BO. A little voice inside his head whispered, 'you should probably log off now.'

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

"Now right-click on the icon."

"I bet you kids are all losing your minds without a wi-fi signal."

'And whenever I attempt cybersex, my computer freezes.'

'Whose idea was it to teleconference our staff meetings?'

It's important to know what to do when the communication technology doesn't work.

'They call it a remote because that's the chnaces of me being able to program it.'

"Looks like another case of someone over forty trying to understand Snapchat."

'I steal from the rich databases and give to the poor databases.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

"He's so used to his phone calculating his tip, he forgot how to do it himself. His phone died, so he's been sitting there for over an hour trying to figure it out."

"I was hoping to retire at 60 - but I have to wait until 65 if I want to finish this latest survey."

"These IT guys are really intimidating I mean just look at the focus the concentration...I wonder what he's working on?"

"Hello, this is Bill Gates. Remember, nobody has a monopoly on safety, so buckle up!"

"I had to give up my secret identity—no more phone booths."

The smartphone app learning curve

"You keep telling me to back up my computer. Well, I can't back it up anymore. It's all the way back to the wall."

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

'Fighting evil, fighting evil, fighting evil...oh, wait, how about the 17th, say noonish?'

Computer use issues

Grandma's remote explained

'How could Plato write The Republic with a quill pen on parchment when I can't write a memo with a deluxe computer?'

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'I'm afraid keeping up with digital technology has finally taken its toll.'

"If it makes you feel better...I usually don't understand what I'm doing either."

Telephone companies fighting on a 'Fiber optic' cable

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."