Tech-savvy Germaphobe Gifts

Wendel maps his trip to the germaphobe society headquarters.

The new normal

Unicorn in the Woods

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

"The record player is skipping again."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"I couldn't afford an antivirus, so I installed a sneeze guard instead."

Hazmat suit

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'What the...?!' 404 ERROR!

"No, drones will never replace us because they lack our hunting instinct and majestic bearing."

'What seems to be the problem?'

Auntie Bacterial

Hand Sanitisers

"It's for people who can't remember passwords."

"Wait – did you wash your hands?"

Employees must wash hands.

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping. Is your whipped hand-sanitizer organic? Totally. There's not a thing in it that can possibly hurt you. Can you BOIL the cookie just to be sure? That'll be extra.

'I know you never get grandpa's texts, but I don't have the heart to tell him he's using the TV remote.'

'Your prescription is ready. Please don't approach the counter. I'll toss it to you.'

"I don't shake hands during flu season. Just scan my QR code."

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

"I hate these tablets - when I dine out I want a waiter I can snap at!"

A classical ringtone does not a cultured man make

Cat sees a computer mouse coming out a mouse hole in the wall.

"Well, it's worked out cheaper and safer, just to move in here!"

Employees must wash hands before leaving restroom and avoid dropping boogers in food.

"Pay no attention to Carlson. He's all tweet and no google."

The office is a breeding ground for winter cold and flu germs.

People play Scrabble on Facebook or their iPhone? Of course. Want to try it? Absolutely not!

A "club"?--- but you know I'm a technophobe.

Truck marked 'Antiseptic Tank Pumping' goes to hospital.