Tech Bewilderment Gifts

The Final Chapter.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

God creates humans.

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'And you get this free.'

"Igor, you fool! I told you to steal a healthy brain...not the brain of a programmer!"

'Welcome to I shell.'

'I'm worried, the software that can replace me is becoming more affordable.'

'I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. How do you expect me to remember another bloody password!?'

Canadian Visa Application

Divorce lawyer "Then it's final, you get the computer as you requested and your wifes gets the house, car and everything else"

We know your e-mail address!

Wouldn't it be easier if you just took my salary out of my taxes?

(Dart! ….. I pressed the button for instructions in Spanish!)

"Every time I say this computer is supposed to be 'user friendly', it lets out an evil laugh."

"I asked our tech support to escalate me to the next level...they transferred me to a suicide hotline!"

"The following program contains technology terminology. Millennial guidance is advised."

"No, no, don't crash. . . I forgot to save my document!"

"I thought I'd gotten away with it, but with technology's advancements it's only a matter of time before they find out about that term paper I plagiarized."

'My computers down again!'

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

'I guess that wasn't the 'HELP' key.'

Galileo GPS project.

"My smart-phone has big ears. . . we have one little quarrel. . . and I start getting pop-up-ads for counselling therapy."

Curse my hooves, and predictive text!

Radiation Babe

'No the computer has not been 'hacked by terrorists', you've got the Caps Lock on.'