Tech Bewilderment Pillows

The Final Chapter.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

God creates humans.

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'Welcome to I shell.'

"Igor, you fool! I told you to steal a healthy brain...not the brain of a programmer!"

'And you get this free.'

'I'm worried, the software that can replace me is becoming more affordable.'

Streaking makes a comeback, but nobody notices.

Canadian Visa Application

'I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. How do you expect me to remember another bloody password!?'

We know your e-mail address!

Divorce lawyer "Then it's final, you get the computer as you requested and your wifes gets the house, car and everything else"

Wouldn't it be easier if you just took my salary out of my taxes?

"Every time I say this computer is supposed to be 'user friendly', it lets out an evil laugh."

(Dart! ….. I pressed the button for instructions in Spanish!)

"I asked our tech support to escalate me to the next level...they transferred me to a suicide hotline!"

"No, no, don't crash. . . I forgot to save my document!"

"I thought I'd gotten away with it, but with technology's advancements it's only a matter of time before they find out about that term paper I plagiarized."

"The following program contains technology terminology. Millennial guidance is advised."

'My computers down again!'

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

'I guess that wasn't the 'HELP' key.'

Radiation Babe

'You have entered the wrong password. Please hold while we transfer you to klutz support.'

'No the computer has not been 'hacked by terrorists', you've got the Caps Lock on.'

Curse my hooves, and predictive text!