Teatime Aficionado Gifts

"Next time, dear, just send the twelfth man out with drinks."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

Reese Witherspoon

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

Office pics on dinner table.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

100 best beheadings

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"He's an indoor cat."

'Looks like you can have your cake and eat it!'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

Couch and Potato

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

How I met your mother

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."