Teatime Aficionado Pillows

"Next time, dear, just send the twelfth man out with drinks."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Office pics on dinner table.

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

100 best beheadings

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"We'll start with the dessert menu."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"He's an indoor cat."

'Looks like you can have your cake and eat it!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

How I met your mother

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

Couch and Potato

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.