Teacher's Nemesis Gifts

'You know what? I agree with my son's opinion of you.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'Home Schooling'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

'If 'x' is unknown, why should I rock the boat?'

Math Teacher

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"But I wasn't running in the hall."

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

I will not waste chalk kid...

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'Sorry, Dad. My offensive lineman says I don't have to go to bed yet.'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

'Think Basics.'

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.