Teacher Life Realist Gifts

What teachers want to say.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

'If all your friends were looting and pillaging, would you do it, too?'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Someone loses his pension.

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life: 'The pay is good, but the pressure here...'