Education Realist Gifts

'What's the point of being guaranteed an education if I'm not guaranteed a job.'

Proud parent of a student who went to like 10 zoom classes all year and will likely just fail everything.

Resigned parent of a 'C' student

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"But I wanna quit school!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Maybe it's not a wrong answer - maybe it's just a different answer."

'He has a learning disability all right - television!'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Not now, Matthew. This is Daddy's quiet-desperation time."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Oh, she just wants attention or needs help."

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

Obsolete: Any piece of software or hardware that your school brought last year for mega bucks.

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

"I think we can stop worrying about his bed wetting!"

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.