Education Reformist Gifts

School Open Day - all my staff are depressed, the catchment area's terrible, I've sent my own kids private. 'You know, you can be too open, headmaster.'

'There's a zero tolerance policy for bringing weapon to school. Do you want to explain how this rolled up newspaper got into your locker?'

Obsolete: Any piece of software or hardware that your school brought last year for mega bucks.

"I envy the technology you kids have today. Plagiarizing, in my day, was much more time consuming."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

'It's amazing what £3.2 billion of licence fee can uncover.'

"In a world where there's an app for everything, learning will be obsolete."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"This is all your fault."

"If they insist we dumb-down the classes, I suggest we award them a dumbed-down diploma."

School inspector passing class doors marked A B and C drugs.

"It's very simple... you give up your students' First Amendment rights and you get to keep your academic freedom. Mostly."

'Why is it when the teachers do it they call it industrial action?'

"This can't be constitutional."

'It'll mean I won't have to see the kids during our long periods of recess.'

"This 'No Child Left Behind' is killing my back."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Budget

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Personally - I'm against a four-day school week - I'm for a three-day school week. . .'

'Lessons have been learned.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

New dunce caps

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'