School Reformist Gifts

The paper ranks local teachers. Teddy's math teacher is barely competent. Let's transfer him! Why? It's good training for the real world

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Budget

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Personally - I'm against a four-day school week - I'm for a three-day school week. . .'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Lessons have been learned.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

6th Grade Do-You-Own Research Fair

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

New dunce caps

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

Spell-Check Bee

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

'He has a learning disability all right - television!'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

Kate's first task as new principal was to right a number of wrongs.

'Today in school we learned how to blame everything on the United States!'

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

Elections in German - If 'The Greens' come to power. . .