School Reform Advocate Gifts

"You'd think a teacher shortage would make it easier to get away with stuff."

'The committee to study overcrowding in schools meets over there in the broom closet.'

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

'Making all of our district schools more adept at teaching math and science sounds like a good idea. Run it by legal first.'

'Your grading scale needs to be calibrated.'

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

Inspector of schools

'Miss McWit, I know the new school board hasn't followed through on its promise to reduce class sizes, but really!'

News item: most Americans know little about "school choice" movement.

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

"If you ask me, school funding should skip the middleman and just pay me to study harder!"

Quality of education

"I thought we were hosting a group of parents who wanted to complain about critical race theory and sex education. . ."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'What's play?'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Budget

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Personally - I'm against a four-day school week - I'm for a three-day school week. . .'

'Lessons have been learned.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

New dunce caps

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'