Tax Dodger Humorist Gifts

"That's your explanation - Russian hackers?"

'Gotcha.'

'How about instead of the $383,000 I owe you in back taxes, I give you some free advertising space on my web site?'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

Yes, they are all dependants."

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

Tax relief

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

tax

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."