Tax Advisor Humorist Gifts

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

Tax relief

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

tax

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."