Tax Season Humorist Gifts

Prison Visits - I'm sorry dad, I won't be able to fill in your tax return this year.

"Just think of it as not getting a tax refund this year!"

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

Tax relief

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."