Tax Code Decoder Gifts

"Income tax has created more liars than golf and porn put together."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

The transparent safe box of Panama

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

Information vs. confusion

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

'We struck these tax laws, but they somehow spontaneously regenerated into line 501(c), section 746-e, subsection (3), as described in paragraph (2).'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"But how can my taxes exceed my income?"

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

Marooned Optometrist

Revenue Canada gift shop.

'It's the toxic learning environment.'

'I tried forgetting about life's little stresses and I got busted for tax evasion.'

"Hello, IRS Refunds?...I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care..."

'You've done this before.'

'If I had known he writes tax code for the IRS, I never would have asked him to fill out a comment card.'

Unknown computer error.

'This is a rip-off!'

Honk if you're against Warren Buffett's millionaire tax.

'What burns me is those bums who evade US taxes by being born in some foreign country and just staying there!'

I have a degree in philosophy and can't get a job. Can I deduct my tuition as an investment loss?

'Luckily it's 'all Greek' to us.'