Tavern Trotter Gifts

I'm the Bluebird of Happy Hour.

'This place looks welcoming enough!'

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Agility God

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'What, you afraid of a little exercise?'

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

"White whale, red dot—we're all chasing something, my friend."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

Woman is surrounding by penguins and can't reach her camera

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

Joe's Bar, Get the Full Beer Experience.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

"You look good for your age."

The only "fake news" we care about is fake IDs.

Beer $1.00. The painter refinished the bar top and left this place absolutely spotless! He varnished without a trace!

Exercise rat race

Hugh - From Barnaby Rudge

Joe's Bar - ask your doctor if Joe's bar is right for you!

It's nice to finally find a town big enough for the both of us.

'This is a no-frills bar, pal -- You bring your OWN napkins!'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

Man leaving the tavern and realising he is late for dinner

'I used to do a lot of business over the phone, but as soon as Caller ID came along...'