Tank Half-full Philosopher Gifts

"Honestly, I only by gas $10 at a time."

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Goldfish bowl on raft...

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'How's the water, dear?'

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'Bernie always sees the glass as half-full, but not for long.'

Mozart on a lilo

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"So I leave eggs on the ground, and then you come along and drop your whatever on them? That's your idea of romance?"

Bitter End

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

Fish near-death experiences.

'Wow, swimming IS great exercise! The bathroom scale I put down here shows I'm 20 pounds lighter!'

Snub Marine

Fish Food

'Ladies... gentlemen... I imagine you're all wondering why you've been invited to this think tank.'

"You're overthinking this."

Artist Misses the Point

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

Lemmings on Vacation

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

"Are you new around here?"

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

'Half-empty...half-full, but probably polluted.'

"2 glasses of wine at lunch, I think I'm Socrates..."

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

'Do you think he recognizes us?'