Tank Half-full Philosopher Gifts

"Honestly, I only by gas $10 at a time."

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'How's the water, dear?'

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'Bernie always sees the glass as half-full, but not for long.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"So I leave eggs on the ground, and then you come along and drop your whatever on them? That's your idea of romance?"

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

Mozart on a lilo

Bitter End

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

Fish near-death experiences.

'Wow, swimming IS great exercise! The bathroom scale I put down here shows I'm 20 pounds lighter!'

"You're overthinking this."

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

Fish Food

"Are you new around here?"

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

Artist Misses the Point

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

Snub Marine

'Ladies... gentlemen... I imagine you're all wondering why you've been invited to this think tank.'

'Half-empty...half-full, but probably polluted.'

"2 glasses of wine at lunch, I think I'm Socrates..."

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

'Do you think he recognizes us?'

George realized that eating up the neighbourhood had caused a certain extent of loneliness.