Half-full Philosopher Gifts

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Pop Culture for Teens

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

A giant glass of red wine

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Business man sees himself as a shark

"I noticed a few browns."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'How's the water, dear?'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'Bernie always sees the glass as half-full, but not for long.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'How did he make the world in six days?'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

Bitter End

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"Bear with us, will you? -- We're having technical difficulties over here."

The Meaning of Life