Pint-sized Philosopher Gifts

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'I know 24 ways to kill a man - add another if I don't get a drink.'

"What does your father do for a living?"

"Just think, next year I'll be in fourth grade. I'm really going to miss the third grade...but going to the fourth grade is a wise career move for me."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Sharon's into genetic engineering!'

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

Sun Flower.

"It's the poor artist who blames his crayons."

"Remember, we're the next generation so try not to blow it."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

I disturbed the class by talking in my sleep.

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Baby dressed for the opera.

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!