Talk Show Critic Gifts

'And will you now please welcome Mr Fray, who is going to start a talkshow after-effect support group.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'