Systems Director Gifts

'Someone in this department has been visiting inappropriate websites,'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

The Rubber Ball Company

"#Win!"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'Is this the new input device?'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Where was I?

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"I think earth's antivirus software expired."

'Sire, we fixed that problem in the sales department.'

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

Early Tech Support