Systemic Worrier Gifts

Mousetrap serves for pushbutton in complaint department.

A Hole in the Dike

I.T. Fear

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Separation Anxiety

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

"Everyone has to start somewhere."

'Oh no! Here comes our insurance guy! He's 3 minutes early for our appointment.'

'I can't relax _ I'm worrying about your watch being five minutes slow !'

"Well, we've done it, Sandy . . . we hit the 'cold snap tri-fecta:'. . ."

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

Full Harvest Moon

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

"Trust me: It's benign."

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

"What's the temperature of the water?"