Chronic Worrier Gifts

Insomnia Jeopardy

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

Paranoids' Anonymous

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

"The usual sick notes..."

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

A Hole in the Dike

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

I.T. Fear

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

Things that go beep in the night.

Separation Anxiety

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"Don't be afraid if you see a Martian. There's no such thing."

'Oh no! Here comes our insurance guy! He's 3 minutes early for our appointment.'

'I can't relax _ I'm worrying about your watch being five minutes slow !'

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

"Well, we've done it, Sandy . . . we hit the 'cold snap tri-fecta:'. . ."

"We got you a computer for your Birthday, grandpa."

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

'Someday, son, all this will be divided among your ex-wives.'

Full Harvest Moon

"Trust me: It's benign."