System Upgrade Day Gifts

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"I got connected to the internet!"

Fantasy Business Management

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

'There's been an update. Instead of abracadabra, it's option/control key.'

'I was told it required a log-in...'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

Computer whisperer.

This is tech support. I will try to correct your problem, or perhaps create another problem.

"The oracle demands the sacrifice of a virgin or an update of its operating system."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

Caveman wheel repairers.

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

I can be upgraded, can you?

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"Here's a great software update. It lets me delete all the features that I didn't want from the last update."

'John's into 'computer-hacking' in a big way!'

Working on updates. 11% complete. Don't turn off your computer.

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'I guess it's just one of those days.'

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

Very old fashioned computer.

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"I must ask Alexa too many questions. She said she can't answer any more because her throat is sore from talking."