Tech Upgrade Celebration Gifts

Very old fashioned computer.

Mac OS 20

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Big Data Tonight

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"I got connected to the internet!"

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

God creates humans.

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

"I upgrade then it's obsolete and I have to upgrade again! As soon as I upgrade I have to upgrade again! Upgrade! Upgrade!! Always upgrade!!"

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

Obsolete: Any piece of software or hardware that your school brought last year for mega bucks.

"After you're done crank starting your computer, maybe we can talk about investing in better technology."

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

"Are they nuts? I didn't survive 8-tracks, cassettes, CDs, iPods and downloads just to go back to records!"

Man throwing out his outdated TV set.

"This home comes with all the latest technology. As part of the tech package, tech-support will live with you until you figure out how to use it all."

Our genius techie kid is hacking your bank account while your read this.

"I must ask Alexa too many questions. She said she can't answer any more because her throat is sore from talking."

Television Models

'When did this office become a museum?'

'We've got the fastest Internet available, but an old computer. That means we're going nowhere fast."

'All those years I rode those small bikes...well, as you can see, those days are over.'

"And this one has a butt recognition feature. Only you will be able to sit in it."

'Obsolete: Any state of the art equipment you bought last year for $250,000.'

Please Swipe Your Feet

'Ooh look, an iPad4. Remember them?'

"Humm...I'm thinking this upgrade is going to cost you more than a whole new system."

You look terrible. What happened. I didn't sleep a wink. I quit multitasking. Not I'm jittery. I'm bored. I've got all this restless energy. I stayed up all night sweaty, twitching, hallucinating about emailing from my cellphone while driving. A tech addict withdraws. Hook the Xbox into my veins, man!

A man searches for women on the internet.

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'