Sycophantic Humor Fan Gifts

"It would help if you brown-nosed a little more."

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Dog in casino.

A Golden Non-Retriever

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

"Bonk!"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

How men process questions.

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."