Skeptic Humor Fan Gifts

Genuine White House Approved China Virus Cures

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'What does it say, Dad?'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'More government surveillance!'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Pull my finger! Zombie Humor.

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"