Sword & Sorcery Aficionado Gifts

"I said, 'Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women,' but the media took that totally out of context."

You do know it's Harry Potter who's real and JK Rowling is just one of his spells?

Cheeze Wiz.

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

Pub Kendo.

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

Scheduel.

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

First aid: A wizard has a bandage on his finger with turban on it.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Your're mum's well wicked."

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

Fencing Lessons

'Hmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must've been the Elixir of Death...'

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"