Sword & Sorcery Aficionado Pillows

"I said, 'Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women,' but the media took that totally out of context."

You do know it's Harry Potter who's real and JK Rowling is just one of his spells?

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Decapitated coffee.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

Pub Kendo.

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

Swords for Making America Great Again

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

Scheduel.

'I was a tall, handsome prince, and an evil witch downsized me.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"Your're mum's well wicked."

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

First aid: A wizard has a bandage on his finger with turban on it.

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

'I've never met such a heartless, gutless and brainless board of directors!'

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

'Hmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must've been the Elixir of Death...'

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

Magus

"Some of us think he's a sales magician."

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"