Sweet Tooth Satirist Gifts

"Do you carry any healthy snack options?"

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

Honest Vending

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Candy Corn Dracula

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

Citizen Cane...

'It seems so festive.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'You're lucky she didn't press charges. Never touch a woman eating ice cream.'

Recycling Center: Glass/Plastic, Metal/Paper, Holiday Fruit Cake.

'My wife's on a diet. Do you have anything like chocolate covered celery?'

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

"I smell Toffee."

"I don't need the key. I'm choco-literate."

"It looks like your book is going to be a million seller, here's a big bag of sherbet lemons for your trouble."

"Well, if you really want me to eat my vegetables why can't you make them taste like chocolate?"

"I don't care what it says on the 'Chocoholics' website..."

"When I said you needed to give him a more varied diet I DIDN'T just mean all 12 varieties of KRISYSNAX!"

First the introduction of diseases from Europe, then alcohol and finally chocolates. The Native Americans didn't have a chance.

Chips - flavorings flavor.

Misfortune Cookie

'It's more of a draw for the kids than the old gingerbread house.'

"If life is like a box of chocolates why are we on a diet?"

Inedible foods: Concrete cookies.

'Let them eat cake.'