Sweet Tooth Satirist Pillows

"Do you carry any healthy snack options?"

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

Bubble Gum Farms.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

Harsh Mellows.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Candy Corn Dracula

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

Citizen Cane...

"Hang on - this one's a Malteser!!"

'It seems so festive.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'You're lucky she didn't press charges. Never touch a woman eating ice cream.'

Recycling Center: Glass/Plastic, Metal/Paper, Holiday Fruit Cake.

Gossip

'My wife's on a diet. Do you have anything like chocolate covered celery?'

"I smell Toffee."

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

"I don't need the key. I'm choco-literate."

Most Unpopular Cereals.

"I don't care what it says on the 'Chocoholics' website..."

"Well, if you really want me to eat my vegetables why can't you make them taste like chocolate?"

"It looks like your book is going to be a million seller, here's a big bag of sherbet lemons for your trouble."

"When I said you needed to give him a more varied diet I DIDN'T just mean all 12 varieties of KRISYSNAX!"

First the introduction of diseases from Europe, then alcohol and finally chocolates. The Native Americans didn't have a chance.

Chips - flavorings flavor.

Misfortune Cookie

"If life is like a box of chocolates why are we on a diet?"