Sweets Satirist Pillows

Harsh Mellows.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

Cake Free Zone

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Breakfast cereal in the Treasury.

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

'People soup again?'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Riddle your salad with pepper, sir?"

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

'The thought of your biscuits brings a lump to my throat.'

'The Cod's off, but you can have whale and chips.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'Tonight you will be enjoying Howard, a happily raised free range chicken slaughtered no ten miles from here. He is accompanied by his wife, Lily, who ironically sautes opposite your own wife.'

'You're lucky she didn't press charges. Never touch a woman eating ice cream.'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."