Survey Researcher Gifts

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'Do you really care about my opinion or am I just a random sample?'

'Stupid woman - of course I watch television, what else are you supposed to do with it???'

First and last day as census taker...

Census Interrogation

'Have I lived here all my life? Not yet!'

'I used to be a don't know but now I'm an even more confused.'

Pollsters...just nosy...

'Sir, may I have five minutes of your time?' - 'Sure, I can do 9.30 to 9.35 next Tuesday.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'I just decreased the accuracy of their poll by a plus or minus ten points!'

'Do you feel more worthless or less worthless than you did a year ago?'

"No opinion, eh? Well, I'll put you down as 'lair.'"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

The Problem with World Population Growth

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Surveys and economic interests

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'